How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
