Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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