my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
