FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
