Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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