I cannot find my penis.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
