if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I FOUND THE LEGS
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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