worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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