Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
