wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
