you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
