You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
