Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
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I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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