We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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