if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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