too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Will exercising make me less horny?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
