I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Randomize
