Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're too hungover to prance.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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