I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
