what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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