god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
