So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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