Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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