I look better un-naked...
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
