whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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