My nipple is on Facebook.
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
