I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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