I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
