FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
