Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
