u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
