You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
