Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
