Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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