You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
