Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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