Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
