I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
