I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
