Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
