I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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