I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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