just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
