Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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