I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
