You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
