next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
