Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
