i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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