i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Randomize
