So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
