She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
