I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
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