i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I think I won the penis lottery.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
