You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
