Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
