Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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