I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
