guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I should be sponsored by Trojan
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
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