I think i peed on brittanys purse
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
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I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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