Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
