SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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