i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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