Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
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