I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I wish you could order shots online.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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