So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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