Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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