My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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