Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
