You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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