I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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