the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
