That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
