yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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