bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
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The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
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IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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