hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
